I want a new life. I want to run away and hide from my reality. I just spent the last 2 1/2 hours at a friend’s house using their Internet because ours is so painfully slow due to over usage on our bandwidth, and Darien needed to do his online schoolwork. I left my other kids to take care of the one kid. In all that time, he got one computer lesson done and he wrote 2 paragraphs of an essay. It was getting late, and we needed to let our friends have the privacy of their home back. I told Darien to back up his paragraph, copy and paste it to a new document, whatever it took to save it, before shutting down his computer. INSTEAD, he tried to just save the work online, but the Internet connection was giving him issues, and he ended up losing everything he wrote.
It wouldn’t be so bad if it didn’t take this child an hour to write a paragraph. I’m so angry right now I can hardly see straight, and at the same time I just want to give up. He is NOT going to finish these classes in time. He has until august 3rd that is the deadline and the last day he can submit any work Maybe I should just accept that he will not finish. He needs 60 units to be considered a sophomore next year. He will have 54. If he could finish the computer class, he’d have 59, and that could get by. The problem is that I AM THE ONLY ONE STRESSING ABOUT THIS.
Sorry, rant coming…
I don’t want to be the only one that cares about his education.
I don’t want to be the only one home raising the children.
I don’t want to be the only one taking care of the dog business this summer.
I don’t want to be the only one taking care of the garden this summer.
I don’t want to be the only referee overseeing my children so they will help with all these things this summer.
I don’t want to be the only driver this summer.
I don’t want to be the only house keeper this summer.
I don’t want to be the only one noticing that the lawn needs to be mowed this summer.
I don’t want to be the only one noticing everything that needs to be done this summer.
I’m still sitting in my car writing this blog post. If I just sit here, I don’t have to face my reality I don’t want to go into my messy house. I don’t want to face my messy kitchen. I gave the other two children instructions to clean the kitchen while I was gone with Darien. I don’t want to have to come into the house and find that they didn’t do it, and listen to their excuses of “he/she didn’t do thus/such, and so I couldn’t do my part of the job.” I don’t want to have to be the only one thinking of consequences for lack of follow through.
I’m tired of having everything resting on my shoulders.
Maybe I’m too intense about everything. Maybe I need to “chill”. I just want my kid to get through high school, and then I want him to be able to get a job and support himself. That’s all. I don’t think it’s really very much to ask.
Thank you for listening.
– Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Kristy,My friend. If you don't want to stress about the boy's schooling, and he doesn't care, then I humbly suggest you put the weight of the burden square on his shoulders and STOP stressing about it. If he fails, he fails…. it's not the end of the world, or the end of his education. It just means he is a little more behind than ever, but obviously, he has no great objectives to aspire to yet. He's what 15 or 16? Some day he will. You said it – you are intense. You being intense will never make anyone else be intense. Here's an interesting principle to think about.If people are used to be pushed from behind they come to depend on that push. They wait for it. They dread it, but they expect it and they don't do anything until push comes to shove. If the responsibility is theirs (I'm talking in general, I realize your son has some learning/special needs or whatever you call it). The kids will live up to your expectations. If you expect the dishes to be done and the kitchen clean expect that it will be and when you walk in the house and it is not done, you kindly and humbly, (because we have all sinned against God and let our moms down at one time or another) and let them know you are disappointed and tired, but that you won't be back until it's done and grab yourself a book, a lawn chair and water bottle and head down to the lake or go make cards with Sylvia, or something. Or even head out to the garden and weed in peace. (that's my little sanctuary). Have them call your cell when they are done. Use a little shock, but don't chew them out…. and by all means, leave them at home when there is a social outing if they haven't complied. BUT YOU GO and have fun! I tell my girls we are a team. Divide up the work evenly and everyone work hard towards a common goal – if one doesn't carry his end of the load, he loses his piece of the pie. It's simple.
Ah, but then, you must know, I'm a pretty no-nonsense type mom!! HA HA!! I figure they eat – they can make the meals. They wear clothes – they can do the laundry. They live here – they can keep it clean. And I don't mind pointing out that the pasture needs to be mowed (by hand) again!!! 🙂 I try to do my share… well, most of the time, anyway. The twins have a way of sapping the energy, so sometimes I don't do my share… and I can't complain if there's nothing to wear then can I?